What the HELL is wrong with me????? Just when I thought I am ALMOST immune against common sickness(apart from the recent influenza, it was ages before my last one), I realise that I simply just can't escape my ultimate pain - SORE THROAT, and if many still remember, I have this tendency to lose my voice(think I've got the record highest number of times for a person to lose her voice as compared to my friends around me). All because of a damned, cursed packet of barbeque-flavour chips(trust me, you've got to try to know its wonder). That fateful night, I got this intsy-wintsy lil feeling in my throat, and based on my past experiences(one too many, may I add), I hurried out of my bed and went to get some miracle lozenges(according to my sis) - MAC(you ask me) and went into bed gloating that I managed to nip it even before the throat goes bad. How wrong was I! Woke up in the morning with a bad throat, it seems it got worse! So much for "very good" MAC(BLA BLA...). Nonetheless I went ahead to school but it proved a rather bad idea, not that I've got any choice coz I didn't mention about the throat to anyone simply coz I was rushing for time, as usual. Spend the entire day trying to suppress this whole long serious of old-man coughs in the quiet lecture(but I made a new friend ;p , which has got absolutely nothing with the cough whatsoever). Was suppose to meet Shing for lunch but obviously I didn't or I would have coughed my lungs out throughout lunch. Went back and straight to the docs this time, instead of waiting for the recurrence of my too sexy voice. *Sigh*

*Sigh* As you can see there's absolutely nothing cheery about this color coz that is exactly how I am feeling right now. This has been the gloom-iest weekend for the longest time. And you can say I am experiencing the first regret in my entire 20 yrs.

I'm just trying out the different font styles and color. Just to make a point, I don't like green.

Ok, to begin things proper. On saturday, I went to vist Boon at Tan Tock Seng Hospital, TTSH for short. Anyway, he ain't looking so fine, drifting in and outta this world. His cuzzies, parents and bro were there, they were pretty nice people. Couldn't really talk to him much coz his world was like spinning round and round, and could only make conversation snippets with him. Bought dragonfruit for him, hope he likes it, coz I do. His mom was great, she even bought me a drink, it's the thought that counts. So that marks the end of my visit coz i hadta go to church (yes i still do go).

Halfway during mass, well actually it's more like almost the end, my dad got a call from my aunt sayin that my grandmother suffered a stroke and is admitted into hospital. My mom broke into a frenzy and we all left at that instant. Sped(no my dad didn't) all the way down to NUH where quite a few of my relatives are already there, as usual, wherever my "clan" goes we just had to take up too much space. The few of my relatives took up 2 out of 3 rows in the a&e dept and there are still a few standing(including me). To cut it all short, my grandmother suffered a minor stroke and is now on the road to recovery, not from stroke, that is. You can't cure stroke just in case you all are wondering. Only long term physiotherapy and stuff can you hope to recover, how much depends on individual. My point of saying all this is to go to the point of my first regret in my life. See, for the past 2 sundays, before the one that just passed, my aunts and grandmother have been coming to my house. But because I was working, so I wasn't there to spend time with them. So that sunday that just passed I wasn't working and was in fact looking forward to spending time with my relatives. But what do you know, God is punishing me, my grandmother had to be admitted so she can't come. To worsen my torture, my grandmother was suppose to come and stay at my place the weekend after, and she is looking forward to it(it's pretty much all that's happening in her life). So here's my biggest regret, that I did not spend time with her and I goddamn chose to go and goddamn work. So I know now that I missed the chance to spend time with her when she is still very active(she is amazingly active for a 85 yr old, believe me you). Been spending every minute everyday there since saturday, rushed down after school to be there for her, for her to see me when she wakes up for a while. I only went home to sleep late at night. I know people will tell me it's not my fault, there was nothing I could do about it(coz that's what I would tell my friends too). But you know, somehow you just can't help feeling angry and really upset when you think about it. Heard from my aunt that she was So looking forward to coming that she was already packing and planning what to cook(her wonderful chicken wings were on the platter!!) and what to do. And now she might never have the chance to do it as normally as before. For the record, she is not dying, it's just a stroke, not a major serious one, but serious enough.

I don't know. I know it's not my fault and I can't prevent it and that if I see it coming I would have done anything to prevent it. But I still hate myself for it. Thinking about it really upsets me too much. Noone knows how I feel about it coz noone knows how much she means to me. I was the only granddaughter she took care of before I begin primary school and for such a long period of time. My grandfather and her spoilt me crazy you won't believe it, the point of my finger is like a magic wand, words out of my mouth were like the spells out of Charmed. My grandfather died when I was pretty young so I didn't really get the full impact of his death, yet I was affected when I saw my grandmother cried her eyes out, that was the only thing about the funeral I remembered and will never forget. And even after that my grandmother did not stop spoiling me, so now it scares me everyday thinking of the day when she goes *fingers crossed* I really don't know how I'm gonna take it. A stroke has affected me this much so. I cannot and dare not imagine more......